The quiet strength of connection in healing

Let’s be real. Healing from trauma is hard. And doing it alone? Even harder. If you’ve ever thought, “I should be strong enough to figure this out by myself,” you’re not the only one. But here’s the truth: trauma thrives in isolation, and healing begins with connection.

Whether it’s one trusted friend, a support group, or a therapist, having someone who truly sees you can make all the difference. In honor of the International Day of Friendship, we’re shining a light on how supportive relationships can help you rebuild safety, trust, and self-worth, one honest connection at a time.

Why relationships matter in trauma recovery

Trauma often begins in relationships through abuse, neglect, betrayal, or abandonment. But healing, research shows, also happens in relationships. Supportive, attuned connections can help regulate the nervous system, reduce shame, and rewire the brain’s threat response.

One of trauma’s cruelest tricks is making us believe we’re unlovable, too much, or better off alone. But the truth is: the right relationships don’t drain you, they restore you. They help us build emotional safety, gain perspective, and remember that we’re not in this alone.

How connection supports recovery

Emotional regulation

Being with someone who is calm, compassionate, and present can help soothe a dysregulated nervous system. This is called co-regulation, something many of us didn’t get enough of growing up.

Identity repair

Supportive people reflect back our strengths and worth when we’ve forgotten them. Over time, we start to see ourselves through their eyes, more whole, more human.

Motivation and resilience

Being witnessed in our healing journey makes it easier to keep going. Accountability and encouragement can be powerful antidotes to hopelessness.

 

Common Beliefs and Their Impact

Common Belief	Impact on Life	Impact on Work
“I should be able to handle this on my own.”	Isolation, suppressed emotions, delayed healing	Burnout, avoidance, reluctance to delegate
“I don’t want to be a burden.”	Withdrawing from support, self-silencing	Lack of collaboration, difficulty asking for help
“People always leave.”	Fear of intimacy, sabotaging healthy connections	Distrust, difficulty forming work relationships
“No one would understand what I’ve been through.”	Shame, disconnection, hopelessness	Feeling out of place, emotional suppression at work
“If I let my guard down, I’ll get hurt again.”	Emotional walls, loneliness, hypervigilance	Difficulty receiving feedback or building trust in teams

What Do I Do About It?

Supportive relationships won’t erase the past, but they can help reshape how you relate to it. This isn’t about suddenly trusting everyone, it’s about slowly learning to let the right people in.

Setting the scene:

Take 10 quiet minutes. Reflect on who makes you feel safe. Who listens without rushing in to fix? Who validates your feelings without needing proof? Start with that.

Step by step guide:

1. Identify one safe person

It could be a friend, a therapist, a colleague, or even someone online who feels steady. Safe doesn’t mean perfect. It means consistent, kind, and respectful of your boundaries.

2. Practice micro-sharing

Instead of telling your whole story, start small. Share a feeling, a memory, or a vulnerable thought. Notice their response. You are gathering evidence that it’s okay to be seen.

3. Reframe your belief about support

Say your chosen counter-belief out loud or write it where you’ll see it.

Negative Belief	Realistic Counter-Belief
“I’ll be a burden.”	“People who care about me want to support me.”
“I can’t trust anyone.”	“Some people are unsafe, but not everyone is.”
“Needing others means I’m weak.”	“Connection is a human need, not a flaw.”
“I don’t deserve love or care.”	“Everyone deserves support, including me.”

 

4. Nourish a connection

Send a check-in message. Accept an invitation. Invite someone for a walk. Supportive relationships take intention, not perfection.

5. Get support for building support

If relationships feel especially triggering, working with a trauma-informed therapist can help you understand your attachment patterns and create new relational experiences.

6. Keep a connection journal

Write down what felt safe or unsafe during interactions. Over time, you’ll spot patterns and learn what kind of support works best for you.

7. Give support, too

Being someone else’s safe space, within your limits, can also be healing. When we hold space for others, we remember we’re not alone in our pain.

Combating stigma and misconception

• You’re not weak for needing people. You’re wired for connection.
• Not all relationships are safe. But safe relationships do exist.
• Needing help isn’t regression. It’s a step toward repair.
• Being vulnerable is not the same as being unprotected. You can have boundaries and still let love in.

Conclusion

Healing from trauma is not something you have to do alone. In fact, you’re not supposed to. Supportive relationships don’t erase what happened. But they help you remember what’s still possible, safety, connection, and joy. On this International Day of Friendship, let yourself reflect on the people who bring you peace, and how you can be that person too.

Call to Action

Today, reach out to someone who feels steady. Or let someone reach out to you. You don’t have to open up all at once. Just start with one moment of real connection. Friendship is a healing force, and you deserve to feel its warmth.

References

• Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence—from domestic abuse to political terror. Basic Books.
• Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.
• Siegel, D. J. (2010). The mindful therapist: A clinician’s guide to mindsight and neural integration. W. W. Norton.
• Cozolino, L. (2014). The neuroscience of human relationships: Attachment and the developing social brain. W. W. Norton.
• National Child Traumatic Stress Network. (2023). Building trauma-informed supportive relationships. https://www.nctsn.org